Salute and Sayonara

-I had met the Rush Limbaugh of India, and even worse, I was his guest. -

The last few weeks in India were a bit challenging for me. I started to see that every city was identical with the exception of the local monuments, the behaviors became predictable, and I became tired and ill.

A week or so I spent allowing the local bacteria to thrive in my belly, leaving me incapacitated for the majority of that time. I hung out at my guest house, chatting with guests as they came and went, and yet I felt unable to get involved in society the same way I felt in central or southern India. The farther north I went, the more it seemed like the people had resigned themselves to the abhorrent conditions, and often going even as far as defending the inhuman situation so many Indians must live with.

Enter my host from Delhi. I felt he represents so much of what bothered me about India, I think it is important to share my experience. Let's call him... Mr. Burns.

Us couchsurfers are not very picky when it comes to staying with others and accepting accomodation, which is why I was so surprised at the opulent luxury presented to me in Delhi. When I arrived by taxi, I was immediately surrounded by a large row of trees leading up to a large building set on marble pillars. After being invited in, I set my bags down and proceeded to get lost in his apartment. It was when we sat down to talk that I was so taken aback by the personal philosophies of this man.

Mr. Burns was born into an extremely wealthy and well-connected family in New Delhi, silver spooned and had access to the best education in the country. He did not hesitate to inform me of his vast wealth (over $100 million), and how proud he was from his efforts to make it. Although when he told me he went bankrupt four times, and still recovered every time, he informs me it was his karma which kept him afloat.

"I must have been a good man in my previous lives"

I question that karma, as he describes his unambiguous anti-western point of view. It became clear that he believes the west in complete and utter shambles, unable to possibly recover, and this is all due to it's obsession with human rights, increasing wages, and worrying about unavoidable climate change.

"All westerners do is complain, they don't even value marriage anymore, or pay for their children, like good Indians do..."

It was the Indian on the street who was happy, who lead the simplest and most fulfilling lifestyles. Because India is the greatest country on earth, with the richest traditions and history, and all western people are clamoring to get in, just for the opportunity to work for $300/month.

"We open our borders to all, not like western countries building up walls!"

Of course... any attempt to address or correct these issues would fall on deaf ears and a bellowing condescension about how blind I have become from media propaganda. I had met the Rush Limbaugh of India, and even worse, I was his guest.

As I listened patiently about how the unavoidable animalistic realities of human behavior should not be discouraged, but embraced, I could see he applied the laissez faire economic model and applied it directly with morality. This was reinforced later when I found Ayn Rand novels, but with every sentence, I found myself wincing.

"I don't like rape, but you can't stop it"

As a man who hates any form of taxation, I found parallels to some american "thinkers" and how he appreciates places like China, India, and the Middle East, more than western countries, because you can do anything you want to. When I politely pointed out that it sounds nice if you have the means to do something, but those countries have not provided opportunities for the masses. I was quickly corrected by noting those who do not have opportunities are simply subjects of their own fate and karma.

"God will provide"

Half of India's population is wealthy, according to this raconteur, and countries only suffer when people punish the companies which create jobs (sound familiar again?). He then told me when his architecture company needs workers, they simply go to the train station and pressgang a group into honest labor and a good meal.

"These people would be dogs in the street without the companies creating jobs"

I had to excuse myself. It was clear I would not be allowed an opinion, nor was it welcome. Absolute truth had been had, and would be shared. Which brings me to my conclusion.

Yes, it is dangerous to live in a society which refuses to teach critical thinking skills or the ability to question a point of view, especially one's own. Throughout India, I met people who were unable to see things from another perspective, or able to find how things could be improved. This alone is harmful, and brought onto the next generation via traditions.

I now see the culmination of these problems. What happens when you allow an independently wealthy and politically connected man to form all of his own conclusions about life without a single consideration to anyone else or the veracity of his claims, and not question him? You have a nihilistic totalitarian who enacts his views while believing he is accomplishing good for the world. This has been the mentality to Kings, dictators, emperors, and spiritual leaders for thousands of years, and if we wonder why progress towards human rights, population, climate, pollution, or general order has been remiss, then we need look no further than how traditional societies neglect logic, rationality, or the importance of objective truth

In the village, you just have an ignorant shopkeeper, or a corrupt police officer. In the capital, you have the egomaniacal  megalomania of a man who believes he is helping a people by suppressing them into poverty and ignorance because he has never had to taste independence, self reliance, or the pain of an honest days labor.

This monster, this man who purchased my company for the evening by offering me a place to stay, perfectly encapsulated what is so displeasing about a traditional society. Goodbye India.

Standing Outside Oneself

I have come into a certain dilemma in India. When in other countries, giving constructive criticism, offering suggestions for improvement, insisting on progress is always a nice thing, because most people are perhaps not as straightforward or bluntly honest as I. In fact, if politely spoken and well-worded, these things can be taken rather well.

India, on the other hand, demands I either turn down my critical thinking or turn it off completely. It would mean I never stop correcting. I have written before about how my experiences in Northern India have entirely burnt me out, I am fried, exhausted, left a hallow empty shell of a man with a short fuse. Sometimes. Most times I have to stop, look around me and try to see everything from outside.

Discretion is vital when deciding what to discuss, with whom, of course, and since I have met so few who believe that change is even possible, and even fewer who may be coerced into believing change starts with each individual, I have to look at India as a whole and try as much as possible to formulate what I have learned from this country.

Number one, Indians are rather clever people, the average man you may speak to in the street can grasp ideas of philosophy and politics more than most Asian countries.

Number two, Indians also understand our behaviors are dictated by how society, be it family, community, country, or world, reacts to specific actions or inaction.

Number three, while the country is working out it's education, tradition, and religion problems, the rest of the world has got to get it's act together in regards to Human Rights, and where we stand on science. The world came together to agree on what Human Rights are. Naturally we disagree on how to implement these rights, specifically when it comes to contradicting religion and traditions. We need developed countries to step up to the plate, specifically the United States, in standing behind the freedoms of speech and expression, not only within their own borders, but using political influence to let others know that possessing nuclear weapons is not the only crime which requires sanctions.

Number four, India's constitution protects the citizens' rights very well, but either due to apathy or ignorance, so many are denied access to these rights. When Edamaruku was threatened to be arrested, there should be more than just online petitions defending him. Come on, people, stop the relativism.

Number five, if I had been here on anything more than a vacation, I sincerely believe I could organize community gathering to form a concerted effort for reform, via Indian voices. Those who can stand living in India, come and show them leadership, please.

I will be in Nepal next week, something I am very excited about. More on that later

Surviving Sanely

As one of those silly naive children of this world who believe we can help make the world a better place by participating in society and by enforcing good behaviors, and discouraging destructive ones, I have the bad habit of caring a bit too much at times. 

Those who can survive in India over long periods of time do so via apathy and a passive disregard for things which strike them as immoral. It starts with cultural relativism, not questioning how others live their lives, pretending they are equally good.

Add a pinch of tolerance for the intolerant. You see beliefs, behaviors, and systems which, by definition, exclude, persecute, and breed intolerance. When combined with step one, this becomes tautological.

Lastly, garnish with hypocritical immoralities, and argue you can change nothing as a foreigner. Things like pollution, cheating, corruption; all committed by foreigners who sincerely believe themselves to be in Rome, and act accordingly. 

This type of moral lethargy truly gets to the locals, as I am constantly hearing stories which justify their behavior through anecdotal examples using foreigners as role models. Standing up to corruption? Nah, that’s only in the movies!

Don’t forget, in many developing countries, entire government offices or public industries are designed to multiply the corruptions. Go here, get a form, use this agent to sign it, get that officer’s permission, pay the processing fees, wait in that cue to get the proper…..

So allow me to shuffle and deal and example of the daily stresses you may find in northern India. 

Yesterday, I set out to send my Absentee Voting Ballot to the States, trying to get my vote in on time. Walking to the post office, was I wrong to assume there were some basic qualities to a post office? Waiting in front of four idle customer service booths, all four gentlemen refused to even glance at me. As I played the waiting game, others simply pushed me out of the way and demanded attention. Ahh, I see. So I pushed them out of the way and demanded attention. No English…ok. So I went through the employee entrance and went into the back, asking who can speak English. 

Don’t forget, more Indians speak English than any other language, and only around half of the population speaks Hindi. That said, if the local government only hires Hindi speakers, in a town where the largest industry is tourism…. It doesn’t say much for forethought.

 

I finally found someone who spoke utterances, it was enough. Ten minutes later, he realized I was asking for an envelope. No, the post office doesn’t sell envelopes. You have to go to the stationary shop for that. 

So, following bad directions, being thrown off course by unwitting locals pointing random directions, I got to a stationary shop, and bought a couple of envelopes. When I got back, the guy forgot who I was and I had to start all over again. Just an off note, but what kind of post office doesn’t carry basic office equipment like scissors, a stapler, or a ruler? Finally getting the damn thing sent, I went back to my guest house for a coffee, showing the owner the ridiculous 600IDR ($11) I paid to send an envelope to the US. 

That was then I realized the gobshite sent the package to Perth, Australia. ….sigh. Trying to jog back to the office before they sent it, I was impatient at this point, to say the least. Then again, I should have checked it.

Why did you send it to Australia? If you weren’t sure, why not ask? Before I can ask these questions, I was told to get behind the ‘cue’ of 25+ people crowded around one window. No. Barging back into the processing room, I demanded someone correct their mistake and fast. Once again, it seems this is the most effective method. A while later, after supervising the process, and correcting four more mistakes while he was typing, I also had to point out that the new address to the USA was about 100 rupees less. Refunding me, they hoped I had not seen this. When it was all said and done, the man, a.k.a. gobshite, asked for money for helping me. 

In other words, because I did not wait, I should give him cash for putting up with me. Five, four, three, two…. I cried corruption for all to hear, and then left. I am aware this put my envelope in jeopardy, but I am not sure if Mr. Gobshite realized I am pedantic enough to have taken his name and plan to check in Delhi if the package made it through. 

I can only hope that at least one person could see that you do not need to deal with it. I am not some entitled foreigner demanding respect. We are all entitled to respect, and until we all demand it of society, some will always take advantage of most. Traditional countries push cultures of the blind, philosophies of servitude, and lifestyles born into debt. The question is, how to encourage most to demand some?

Social Networking

For the last time, I do NOT use Facebook or any other social network.

Allow me to make this simple: I do not like people.

Individually people may be charming, interesting, and/or worthwhile

Collectively the species is a constant reminder of the futility of life. I prefer to remain an optimist, ergo the lack of social networking. I hope this may curtail any further questions. 

If you want to be social, join Couchsurfing.org and get out of the house!

Sensory Overload

An overwhelming few weeks involved jumping from one expensive destination to the next with little time for reading or writing and mostly running around engaged in touristy activities. In terms of skeptical thoughts, I might highlight the most banal points. I suppose the most common these days is pointing out the cultural relativism which most foreigners hold, while locals hold the opinion that progressive changes are needed fast. It would seem some foreigners subconsciously prefer developing countries remain undeveloped for their own delight. 

I thought I would post a less serious ‘Top Five’ advice for Indians, purely from the perspective of a traveler. Yes, I am fully aware this may be biased, and from the view of an international traveler, but I hope you might find a chuckle, or for those of you who have ventured to India, something to smile about.

1)               Bodily Noises

To what seems to be a cultural challenge, the inhabitants of Incredible India are congested into forming the most unusual and often colorful array of bodily noises you might ever wish to find. 

Proud to share their last meal, the gasses are dealt out in a variety of forms for your olfactorous pleasure. No need to inhibit the flow of these delightful smells, because locals deliver them to you without hands over the mouth, or hesitation to help disperse the noxious cloud for all to share. 

From the depths of one’s gut, a rumbling wave ripples through the esophagus accumulating the last ten minutes of phlegm, or whatever one can gather in what I suppose is a declaration that one has eaten well. This ceremonial habit usually coincides with the urge to expectorate, typically on the floor or ground in front of the gobber, regardless of the environment.  Avoiding the spittle is like remaining dry in the monsoon season. 

Lastly, it seems impossible to breathe without your mouth in India. Whether standing on the train, shopping, or eating, mouth-breathing is in fashion in the sub-continent. No need to use the proboscis here, according to observation. Perhaps the half of each meal falling from the mouth goes to the gods, but I can be sure with all the spices, it is no wonder smell plays little part in the consumption part of dinner. 

2)                  Driving Behavior

If the trains were not affixed to their rails, they would attempt to pass each other in India. From ‘all-way stops’ to ‘yielding’, it would seem as if the entire country had simply woken up one day with the roads laid out and combustion engine automobiles resting nearby without their manuals. In their attempt to utilize these miracles of the industrial age, it was trial and error as they all zoom about without the slightest of standards or organization. 

The word ‘chaos’ does not do Indian motorists justice. Despite the factory installed mirrors, turning signals and brake lights, it would seem the sole method of on-road communication is the horn. Indeed the loudest and largest horns indicate who has priority on the pavement. Domination by deafening is the rule of the road.

Certainly without the noise how would one know where to drive? Some prehistoric civilization painted arbitrary white lines on the sides and in the middle of the streets, yet to decipher what they were to mean might be impossible. Why restrict the 4 meter wide road to two lanes? Push those shoulders in as well and you have four lanes at all times! Double speed! 

Now those massive busses are thrown around like a dune buggy, flying around mountain hairpins and passing semi-trucks on blind corners. It would seem the smoldering remains of the last two busses lying on the side of the road simply did not make the right offerings to the gods, and that can be only explanation for the misfortune. 

The only way to maintain sanity would be to close your eyes and pretend you are on roller coaster. After all, the locals are not surprised when foreigners throw their arms around and scream anyway.

3)                  One Photo Please!

For any first time visitor in India, three words will ring through your ears more than any other, regardless of where you go, or who you find. Perhaps the highest form of currency in India is a snapshot with a foreigner, or maybe Indians are vampires who feed on pictures with strangers. Either way, most of the young people you find will stop you for the opportunity to hold you close (for the guys) and prove that they know an expat.

I strongly suggest not giving into these requests as you might find yourself overwhelmed by the zombie like mass which may follow. It is not ‘brains’ they mutter, but ‘ONE PHOTO’. An alternative would be to ask them why, perhaps they may reason on their own how creepy it is to ask strangers for a photograph, not to mention that they smile in it. To answer ‘No.’ not only seems unsatisfactory to them, but is usually followed by pleading.

My personal sure-fire way to avoid this dilemma is to respond in the language native to all Indians.

“Fifty rupees, one photo!”

This is typically followed by disappointed eyes and slumped shoulders. The Grinch’s heart shrunk three sizes that day. 

4)                  Maintenance 

They don’t make them like they used to! Well by that I suppose, the things used to just fix themselves, and now they simply fall apart. That is all well and good when it comes to the more disposable things in life, but now everything is allowed to fall into dilapidation until unusable. 

Buildings, cars, gardens, machines, and anything you can think of will be in pieces in no time, as time and nature takes its toll, to the confusion of its owners. Who knew rust was avoidable? Is it true buildings don’t have to fall apart after ten years? It turns out boats don’t have to sink five years after purchase. Gardens grow into national parks with ‘Enter at own risk!’ posted at the entrance. 

Everybody follows Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, but what is the point of a public toilet if it becomes overrun by an entire ecosystem? New shopping malls from last year look like they have been hit by a tsunami , and the architectural delights of the old British rule are now part of some apocalyptic experiment. Perhaps Wall-E will be needed sooner than expected. 

5)                  Hygiene

Not to make a cheap shot, but it had to come up.  I am far from a germophobe, but you know, some things are just crossing the line. I honestly have to ask where people wash their clothes and dishes. If they live near the river, the most common way is to gently dip the plates into the river water, then air dry them before deploying one’s dinner on it. 

I suppose nothing takes the cake more than when I saw the restaurant owner bring in wood for the fire, pat the feral  dogs,  clean up the kitchen scraps, take a piss on the wall, scratch his belly, digging for nosegold, then come and hand serve me some fresh chapatti, all without a single rinse of the hands. 

Oh you are not satisfied with the booger-belly-hair-piss-and-fleas-coated chapatti? The imagination takes over from there. Universally, every single hotel and restaurant I have ever been to in India, the word cleaning means the floor and table surfaces only. For anything else, refer to the maintenance section.  

Lastly, I am obliged to mention the universal toilet: everywhere! It would seem to be a public works project, to blanket the entire country in piss. Every wall of every street, if you smell nothing in particular, then society should be ashamed. Down a couple cups of tea and get at it! My stand-out photo however, should speak for itself.

------If anyone has anything else to add, I would love to hear it! Please comment.

Siddha

Ten years ago, before my travels, I met a younger guy than myself, braving the world as an exchange student in Minnesota. Vipul Shaha greeted me with a smile in what would become a friendship of thoughts and words. Despite knowing Vipul for such a short time, we kept in contact over the years and finally finding the time to visit his home of Pune, India, I find that he has, for the time being, been living back in Minnesota again. Ironic how the timing worked out so badly, yet I was still invited to his family’s home, and to spend time with his wonderfully hospitable brother, Anuj. 

A man of great accomplishments already, Vipul has just graduated from Harvard University, and plans to make great improvements to India, starting with the education. When I met him years ago, I was myself confused about what to believe, so disillusioned with Christianity and ‘western faiths.’

It was at that time I first heard of Jainism and the meditation technique of Vipassana. Recalling that time, I had very little memory of what was said, but the names stuck out to me. Now a decade later and so little experience in the world with Jains, I had the great pleasure to sit down with a very intelligent and respected business man in central India, Vipul’s father. 

And despite the historical associations with idols, Buddhism, and Hinduistic worship, I found his Secular Jainism to be remarkable. Let it be said, I can find not a single objection to Secular Jainism as a belief system. Surely the way it is practiced explains why there are so many Jains in the world, yet is begs to ask the question, why has Jainism not been in the spotlight as an example of what religions should emulate? 

The primary tenant of Jainism is a path of non-violence towards all living beings. Other principles follow teachings of other religions, in some ways very similar to Buddhism, such as in Celibacy and non-possession, in other ways, Hindu in idol worship, although it is not obligatory. It also seems Jains have achieved the reputation of wealthy businessmen and leaders in society. 

 It would seem on the surface that the teachings of Jainism are compatible with modern education and learning, but I still have a tickle in the back of my mind. It comes from the subjective reality given by introspections. I still think we need to tackle the big questions in life with doubt and curiosity; however that said, if I had to imagine Jainism as a majority religion, I can’t imagine it encroaching on our schools or government. 

With an open mind, I would like to entertain a week at a vipassana ashram, to get a sense of their mentalities.  I send a huge thanks and my gratitude to the entire Shaha Familiy.